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Dear Sweetmaria,
For nearly a week now, I have held onto you profile without writing you, just to feel through what I had to say and not blunder. There is nothing at all "self-absorbed" in what you say, and you don't "rattle on" anywhere. There is, I feel, a deep deep core of calm self-understanding to you. You also strike me as a genuinely grateful person, in a big picture, life-seeing way. Experience, at the same time, has not left you bitter, resentful, angry, or jaded. Rather, it has only made you clearer, and your own articulate sense of your life-view more developed.
You recognize that it is not your job today to heal an injured man. It is his job. Healing and love are not the same; it seems as though you had to learn that. To love is a lifelong responsibility; healing others, even when we choose to do so, like Mother Theresa did, we do so to heal ourselves. This, though, is not your life's mission. You will support the healthy man and love him forever no matter what. That is clear to me, and that is central to your life's mission. And you will do this with never-ending playfulness, lightness of being, and smiling devotion. Your own health will increase and you will become even happier and more radiant day by day with the loving kindness of a man who is healthy and who is equally devoted to you. That is the personal life you deserve.
So, it becomes incumbent upon me now to look myself in the mirror and ask myself could I be him to you? It is possible; I can feel that easily and clearly from the words you write. In addition to my ever-bountiful childlike essence, it is important that I acknowledge to myself and say to you that I am also a man who keeps in his stable a team of dark horses. People, you have learned, don't actually change each other. They may try, but they can't. People can change themselves or not. People, do, though, allow parts of themselves to come out. While simple and reductive, it's fair, I think, to see that a deeply good person will give off the feeling of safety that will allow for the depth of goodness in another to come out, too. That becomes a mutually loving and mutually healthy space to live in and grow in. But what about your blackened horses? Where are they? Do you know? In what forest, stable, land, or meadow are they still hidden?
Egbert
# 28
