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Go on a date!

Dear Dqcws:

 

Your profile cracks me up. You don't want "serial daters" yet, besides the fact that you've been roaming these e-pages for years now yourself, fail to apparently get that this forum is made for junkies. Who the hell doesn't have tea with someone and, shortly upon returning home, check to see who else has landed on the tarmac? And, of course, since all of us here in our forties, unless there's something deeply and probably irrevocably wrong with us because we have not been married or significantly attached to another thus far in our lives, all of us have some sort of attachment issues made manifestly clear by virtue of the fact that we are no longer married or significantly attached. Obviously, it's more complicated than that, but we are all, after all, quite responsible for whom we chose in the past to be our partner--and chose persons with whom such lifelong attachment failed; because, well, we probably had these "attachment issues" playing themselves out somewhere, somehow. And, as I said, it is obviously more complicated than that rather facile explanation. But I still find it sad and somehow amusing that you feel the urge, nay, the necessity of spelling out that you don't want a guy who's still pissed off over: a) losing; b) feeling/being fucked over by his ex; or, even worse, in love with her. Wow, what kind of drek have you attracted, Doctor? Or, is this the general inpatient Match diagnosis? Still, your own attachment issues, like wolves, are howling in the night loud and clear: smack up in your profile you assert the need and requirement for a man, at this point completely anonymous, to "promise" you something. Isn't that sort of demand, which it is, a little premature? I think so. It also points to a deeper and more significant issue of your own questions over your own self-worth; people who are sure of themselves do not, especially even before the first blush, make others make promises to them. Doing so is totally suffocating, stifling. The only promise you can expect is after a volley of emails, a guy you're interested in shows up at the right place on time to meet you. That's it. And that, by the way, is actually quite a significant step, going as it is from the disembodied and incorporeal to the embodied and corporeal. It's really huge. Self-confidence, self-worth, self-belief begin at the point where you feel that, just as you are, people themselves will feel, unto and for themselves, to chuck in a little Kant (strangely) here, the desire to promise themselves to you. Why? Because you are you! They see that and want to be with you--which, after all, is what all of us want, desire, and deserve: to be seen and heard, just as we are--in all our human glory and shortcomings. Small pointers: you, especially given your education and job, really ought to clean up the errors that mar your profile: "charecters" is a misspelling, and you mean "complement," as in the sort that makes two things together complete, not the "compliment" one as is, "Hey, I really like that belly-button ring of yours."

 

Egbert

# 136

 

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