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Go on a date!
Dear Lovestruck3443,
Don't get me wrong, but I'd hate to be you. You must get 200 hits a day, and every hit is a lie. Maybe one or two aren't. But with such an overwhelming flood of men who are just ga-ga about thinking they have even a chance in hell of a snowball not melting to sleep with you, which is the only thing 198 of them can see for a snowflake, not more than one, maybe two, have even seen winter, can no less spell it, can no less write a half-intelligent email, if even to imagine inside their dumb-ass heads one clear sentence. But, you know, that's just guys!
But, honey, who can blame these idiots? You do the wind up to reveal some of your tragic character flaws, which might make twenty of these lunkheads not email you, and the worst thing you confess to is that you spend too much money on coffee! And as for sleeping in late, do you think Paris wanted his stolen Helen to go feed the chickens bright and early in the morning. Hell, no! Not one heterosexual guy in 3 billion, unless you discount farmers, is going to kick you out of his bed before 10 o'clock a.m. if he can help it.
Now, you wanted a best friend? Well, I am giving you a best friend's advice. There is nothing in your profile that works to screen all these dopes! That pic of you with the bare midriff, whoah! Look at my profile, for instance. It looks so snobby and elitist and intimidating and Mr. Spiritual-I-Am-Buddha-Genius-Man that almost nobody writes me! Am I really like this? Of course not! Am I lying? No, but I am SCREENING so that I can actually pick with a clear head and clean fingers. It's like picking out fruit at the store, or avocados: you turn a few over, squeeze them a little bit at the ends--but who'd be able to pick anything if you had to go through a million avocados before you could choose? You couldn't. Well, that's just my advice; you don't have to take it; I won't feel bad.
I am very curious to know for real how it's going for you? I'm sure that a woman as beautiful as you are has a lot to say over the guys basically drooling over their emails to you over this whole matter.
Egbert
# 135
